BURNOUT
Burnout.
“You've burned your mouth, but you are burnt out”.
These are the words that I heard from my uncle, the psychotherapist, as he sat on my couch with me in front of a miserable fire that was as miserable as I was. I had burned my mouth from consuming hot food too quickly but had neglected to take care of it due to work commitments (at the weekend). For the second time in my life, I was in a state of burnout, I was completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and very fragile, on every level: emotionally, physically, and mentally.
I could hardly summon the energy to make him a cup of tea, though he had made the effort to come to see me. He knew me well and knew I was usually full of Life, Energy, and Zest. But something had changed for a while, and I didn't know what it was.
I'll backtrack to the beginning. As a young girl raised on a dairy farm in Ireland, I learned the value of hard work. Everything that we did was earned. We worked hard and took responsibility. It was difficult at times, but it made me resilient, and I am grateful for the values that it taught me. It has made me who I am today.
We lived in a busy household with many moving parts. There was the farm and many generations in the household. Then there were the extracurricular activities, which included sports, music lessons, dancing lessons, swimming lessons, singing in the local choir, and more. All of this was thoroughly enjoyable, but we never actually stopped.
Not once in my life did I stop to reflect on what I was doing and how I was doing it. My energy levels were a bottomless pit—or so I thought. There is an old saying that if somebody is “burning the candle on both ends,” their candle will burn out very quickly. This was certainly the case for me by my late 20s.
As we sat on the couch (I was scarcely able to stay still for that long on a normal day), I realized that I had been running myself into the ground. I had started a new job. I was building a house as a young woman. My now husband was studying in London, and I had been exerting myself in sports and recreation with too many commitments. I had been busy helping others (which I love to do), but I didn't know how to help myself. I said ‘yes’ to everyone and everything except my own basic needs in self-care.
All the stress, anxiety, overworking, and overthinking with no time to rest had left me completely exhausted. Unfortunately, my physical symptoms of burnout were serious. I had developed IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). My body was in fight or flight mode all the time. I could never be too far from a bathroom, and it completely changed the way I could consume my food.
In my sporting life, we have played our national sport, the GAA, to a very high level. We trained 4 to 5 times a week, 2 hours at a time. For me, this was the most difficult surrender in my burnout. I had spent my entire life playing the GAA, and for the first time in my existence, we had the opportunity to win the All-Ireland Final in 2007. IBS leads to extreme tiredness, lack of energy, and nutrition deficiency. None of these things align with a successful sportsperson. I lost my place on the team due to my poor performance. It was then that I sought help for the first time.
Like everything in my life, once I put my mind to it, I would follow it through. I sought out medical help to facilitate my IBS. I used alternative practices like Yoga, Reiki, Acupuncture, Reflexology, and a Nutritionist. I learned about owning my energy. Thankfully, my diligence to this improved my IBS hugely, increased my energy levels, and the following five years produced the most enjoyable sporting career I could ever have wished for.
Burnout 2.0
“A leopard never changes its spots.”
When I married, I retired from playing GAA at the most elite level. My priorities were changing, but I was still extremely focused, hard-working, and diligent in everything that I did. As a teacher, I did whatever I could to nurture the students in my class on every level. This included extracurricular activities outside the classroom, including coaching the school teams and entering competitions after work. I was often involved in fundraising for the school; on this occasion, it was a Christmas bazaar. I was spearheading the project. It was the first one in our school, and we wanted to make it a success.
Back to my burnt mouth! Well, in truth, I ignored it. It got left aside, and I self-medicated to alleviate the pain whilst we ran the bazaar. It was the standard that I had set, not anybody else's expectation. No one had asked me to suffer with my mouth to get the job done. I didn't see that I had any other option; I felt I couldn’t let anyone down.
It was a Sunday, so the following morning, on Monday, when I was due to get up and go back to school, I could not lift my head off the pillow. I was in severe pain and exhausted. I had developed an infection that had spread to other parts of my body. Again, the burnout had reached its physical manifestation. I had to stay in bed for 3 days. I chose only to share the story of the school fundraiser here with you, but there was so much more going on in the background.
Family Planning was on the agenda. Without sharing the details, I miscarried my baby. The emotional turmoil that I suffered was unbearable. Those two events were so close together that I decided to take a year out from school and travel the world. My husband and I sold our cars, rented our home, and left. I had to recover and make time for myself.
We had a fantastic experience and lived in the UAE for a while. It cost a lot financially, but I did a deep dive into all things self-care on this journey. It brought self-awareness and lots of self-care practices that I still do to this day. It was yet another fantastic recovery for me. This cyclical burnout had taught me many things, and I felt secure knowing that going forward in my life, I would not let it happen again.
Burnout 3.0
“Just an average motherhood for every woman.”
The arrival of our little boy, Tiarnan, into the family changed our priorities in life. I had learned so much about burnout, exhausting myself, and the standards I set for myself that I knew I could recognize the signs if they arrived again. After a difficult pregnancy and delivery, the onslaught of anxiousness of having a young child to take care of, the worries of doing it the right way, and the desire to be the best that you can be for your child all started to talk to me. Post-natal depression was certainly a factor, but my manifestations were different. High anxiety, social withdrawal. I appeared okay on the outside, but I was extremely self-critical of everything I did. I was also back playing sports, but my performance anxiety was through the roof.
My dry mouth, heart thumping in my chest regularly, and lack of energy or strength were crippling. Our second child a little girl; Cialadh, arrived almost 2 years later. So, self-abandonment was real. So was Covid 19! This is what prompted me to get rid of burnout once and for all. I sought out professional help, and I became a life coach. This journey of self-care and learning brought me to truly understand myself and how so many like me suffer secretly from burnout.
If there was a program out there to follow, I hadn’t found it. If I had known what coaching could have done for me back in 2007, it would have been my first attempt to rid myself of all the internal turmoil, lack of self-worth, self-doubt, inner criticism, and boundaryless behavior. It would have given me a cushion of forgiveness for myself when I got it wrong, made me more self-aware, and made me realize what I could achieve if I had the right tools.
Now, with those tools, I know that I can help others. I am so glad I can share this journey with you, and I am so excited to bring coaching to those in need.
Thanks for reading.
Live Well,
Claire 🌈
claire@thebrightlifecoaching.com
